Understanding the Surge of a Narcissist's Hoover After Months of No Contact

It's very common for former romantic partners to feel puzzled and anxious when an ex-narcissist reaches out after a period of intentional avoidance, a practice often referred to as a 'hoover'. The term 'hoover' comes from a type of behavioral tactic used by narcissists to regain control over their ex-partners or social targets.

The Intentions Behind a Hoover

When an ex-narcissist unblocks you on social media, like Instagram, after several months of being blocked, it could indicate a variety of intentions.

Regaining control: The narcissist might view the unblocking as a way to re-establish communication or reassert dominance over you.

Re-provoking a reaction: By re-engaging, the narcissist aims to see how you will react, which could trigger a response that gives them more validation.

Observing from a distance: They may simply want to monitor your behavior and activities from a position of potential influence.

Consequences of Reacting to a Hoover

Reacting to a hoover can be highly dangerous and counterproductive. If you do choose to reach out, it's crucial to recognize that this is likely a trap designed to manipulate you back into a toxic cycle. It's essential to maintain your boundaries and prioritize your well-being.

Hiking away from the narcissist is the best course of action. If you choose to engage, the risk of being re-abused is significant. The warning signs are clear: they have never genuinely changed and won't simply disappear because time has passed.

Understanding the Dynamics of a Narcissist

It's important to understand that a narcissist's actions are rooted in the need for validation and control. They are driven by the desire to maintain a certain level of supply, which is emotionally and psychologically abusive. After 'love bombing' you with attention and validation, they will inevitably devalue and discard you.

Their manipulation is cyclical and designed to create dependency and turmoil. They devalue you for a while, make you feel needed and loved, and then devalue and discard you when the emotional and psychological energy they require diminishes.

Key Takeaways

Maintain a strong sense of self and boundaries.

Avoid reacting to or engaging with a narcissist's hoover tactics.

Seek educational resources on narcissism to understand the dynamics better.

Focus on your personal growth and well-being by prioritizing self-love and self-validation.

In conclusion, the unblocking and hoovering tactics of a narcissist are designed to manipulate and control. Prioritizing your mental and emotional health is crucial, and staying informed through resources like Susan Forward's work can provide you with the knowledge and tools to navigate these situations safely.

Resources for Further Learning

Little Shaman on YouTube

Works by Susan Forward, such as The Narcissistic Relationship

Other expert insights on narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)