The Intense and Chaotic Dance of a Narcissist and BPD: Who Suffers the Most?

Relationships are complex, and they can become even more so when individuals with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and borderline personality disorder (BPD) are involved. This article delves into the intensity and chaos of a relationship between a narcissist and a BPD individual, exploring who suffers the most and why.

Understanding the Dynamics

While this article does not claim to be a definitive guide, it offers insights based on personal experiences and discussions with individuals who have been through such relationships. The term 'narcissist' refers to someone with a grandiose or cerebral type of NPD, whereas 'BPD' denotes a person with a borderline personality disorder.

A Redefinition of Love

For BPD individuals, especially those who align with grandiose or cerebral types of narcissists, their relationships often become deeply intertwined and intense. 'Jane,' a BPD individual, describes her relationship with a narcissist as

"

I meet you, a NPD man. Preferably grandiose or cerebral; I won't fall for a covert. Omg, where have you been all my life? You are my other half. You are everything I am and more! We are magical creatures together to say the least. You are the man, so I let you lead. I follow and you walk tall, showing me off to the world because you also see yourself in me. I'm perfect in your eyes. My every flaw is a charm. I'm more honest than you, but when you see my pain, you know it's your pain too. You don't love me, even though I have fallen madly in love with you. Instead, you view me as a project. I'm so intriguing to you. I'm very unpredictable and spontaneous, keeping you on your toes. Oh, you have never had even a taste of supply this good. Sex is out of this world because you and I can make these extremely weird and awkward sexual fantasies come true. After all, we are almost the same. The only difference is that I care a lot more than you do, but you are a man. I really don't want a wimp. Wimps can't handle me. I accept the trade because I know you're addicted to me, just like a drug.

For many, the relationship is a mix of passion and control, with the narcissist often demanding complete attention and adherence to their rules and expectations. In this type of relationship, the BPD individual may feel both empowered and suffocated due to the constant need to prove their worth.

The Push and Pull of Intensity

These relationships are characterized by intense emotions and frequent conflicts, known as a push and pull dynamic. 'Alice,' another BPD individual, shares:

"

He wants to control my every move throughout the day and night, and he needs to know what I eat and when I sleep. We need to speak to each other as soon as we wake up and sleep with our phones by our sides. He is constantly with me, never leaving my side, and I am not allowed to touch another person while with him. This creates an environment of constant insecurity, leading me to test him and hurt him repeatedly, just to see how much he loves me.

Our relationship is filled with deep passion but also chaos. The intense bonding ritual is hard to explain but feels so wonderful, filling us like empty cups being filled to the brim. We are like two forces colliding, creating pure chaos and the battle of wits. I am left feeling emotionally drained, physically exhausted, and deeply uncertain about the future. Yet, I find myself drawn back in, knowing that I need him and he needs me.

Who Suffers the Most?

Identifying who suffers the most in such a relationship is complicated. The BPD individual often experiences severe emotional distress, including intense mood swings, feelings of worthlessness, fear of abandonment, and episodes of paranoia. However, the narcissist also suffers in their own unique way. The power dynamic often leaves them feeling drained and frustrated, with the constant need to maintain control and the fear of losing their 'project'.

"The levels of violence are too high, and hostile. Forget the cheating and discard. When other women cry, I up my game. You fell deeper and deeper for me because you realized I am indeed what may keep you sane, alive, and somewhat content. Yet as wicked as the borderline can be, she realizes this is not what she wants. She wants love, true love, something you can never give. She leaves you, and depending on how hostile things got, the Narc will either let her go or chase her because she is the right person who has seen the depth of your soul."

From the BPD individual's perspective, leaving a narcissist can be incredibly challenging and emotionally draining. The fear of being replaced or the discomfort of going through the process of re-establishing trust and validation can be overwhelming. The constant need for validation, attention, and control in a relationship with a narcissist can lead to a deep sense of emptiness and dissatisfaction once the relationship ends.

"We are like two forces colliding, creating pure chaos and the battle of wits. I am left feeling emotionally drained, physically exhausted, and deeply uncertain about the future. Yet, I find myself drawn back in, knowing that I need him and he needs me."

The relationship dynamics described here are complex and often create a cycle of emotional dependence that is difficult to break. For the BPD individual, the intense feelings of connection and passion are mixed with fear and insecurity, making it challenging to escape the relationship. For the narcissist, the constant need for validation and control can lead to a deep sense of emptiness and dissatisfaction when the relationship ends.

Understanding the dynamics of a relationship between a narcissist and someone with BPD is crucial for providing support and guidance. Both individuals may benefit from therapy, emotional regulation strategies, and a deeper understanding of their own needs and triggers. It is important to approach these relationships with empathy and a commitment to personal growth and healing.