The Challenges of Raising a Monkey as a Pet

When I was a kid, I’d see ads in the backs of comic books for ldquo;teacuprdquo; monkeys. I suppose they were capuchins, but maybe someone knows better. I never bought one, even though they werenrsquo;t expensive at the time. While I assumed they were legal to own as pets, I wouldnrsquo;t advise getting even a tiny monkey as a pet. They are far more trouble than they are worth, as anyone who has watched Friends, where David Shwiminer had to deal with his, can attest.

Wild Undomesticated Animals

A monkey is a wild, undomesticated animal. It has no desire to be your pet and has every right to live far away from humans with other monkeys. If your pet monkey bites you or someone else, it will likely be euthanized. If you want a pet, adopt a cat or dog from a shelter they will be overjoyed to come home with you.

Is it Possible to Raise a Monkey as a Pet?

Yes, it is possible, and it is being done. For instance, they have been trained to pluck coconuts in Asia. In America, new world monkeys are trained to help paraplegics live more independent lives. So, why not?

Why You Should Think Twice

You can try, but I have yet to hear of it going well. Primates are highly intelligent and hold very different social values than humans. They are also very strong. Chimps and primates about human size are significantly stronger, like being able to pull your limbs off and latch on. This means that you would have a lsquo;petrsquo; that requires the same care and enrichment as a toddler. They will bite or hit hard, and are unlikely to adapt to human standards of behavior. Unlike a cat or dog, which will likely throw something that wonrsquo;t make you happy, you are absolutely stuck with this creature until death. They will no longer be able to go back to the wild but also canrsquo;t be sent to college as exasperated parents do with their projects when all else fails. So, have fun with the next ~30 years, unable to invite people over or go out or do a lot of things you currently take for granted, as you wonrsquo;t be finding a pet sitter for that.

Then therersquo;s another problem: human diseases can easily spread to most primates, and vice versa. And a lot of human diseases will be much worse for monkeys. Humans have a degree of natural immunity that monkeys donrsquo;t have. Enjoy the vet bills if they survive an exotic vet willing to see your monkey will charge through the teeth. In the event of a bite, there is a rabies shot that works on primates, but itrsquo;s not ldquo;approvedrdquo; for them. When your pet inevitably bites someone, the government will get involved, and the person who was bitten will have to decide whether your pet lives or dies. The pet will either have to go into quarantine or be dissected to determine if it has rabies. This, I think, is unfair, as we know the vaccine works on primates, but itrsquo;s not ldquo;approvedrdquo; so...

TL;DR: Itrsquo;s not something Irsquo;d try. Right up there with keeping a guy locked in my basement.