Teaching Respect and Manners: A Parent's Guide

Parenting often involves navigating complex social behaviors, particularly when it comes to teaching our children to be respectful and use good manners. My children, now 19 and 21, once faced challenges with these behaviors, but through strategic and playful parenting techniques, they've grown into respectful adults.

Parenting Through Modeling and Role-Playing

Children at a young age cannot fully comprehend abstract concepts like 'respect' or 'manners' as direct commands. Instead, they learn by observing and mimicking the behavior of their parents and caregivers. Our approach was to model respectful communication and courtesy in our daily interactions, serving as living examples for our children to follow.

For example, we faced moments of perceived 'disrespect' from our children, which often stemmed from frustration or anger. Rather than enforcing strict rules, we used more flexible strategies like the 'oops' and 'ouch' method. These phrases allowed our children to acknowledge when their words or actions were hurtful, and the 'do over' request gave them a second chance to rephrase their message.

Engaging With Classic Advice

Another effective technique we used was to read the Miss Manners advice column aloud, turning a column of etiquette into a learning opportunity. This approach had two key benefits: it elevated the learning process and it made it more engaging for our children. By sharing our thoughts and opinions on the advice, we inadvertently taught them the underlying principles of polite behavior.

This isn't just about following rules; it's about understanding why certain behaviors are important. It's an ongoing process of educating our children while also keeping the learning experience enjoyable and not stifling their curiosity.

Outwitting the Enemy Insurgents

One of the most crucial principles of parenting is to remember that your children, at least initially, are like enemy insurgents. They are not ready to accept your rules and instructions straightforwardly. Therefore, being sneaky or outwitting them is often the key to effective teaching. Sometimes, it might mean using humor or playfulness to get your message across.

By making the learning process enjoyable and incorporating it into daily life, we set the foundation for our children to emulate respectful behavior both in private and public settings. When they become teenagers, these learned behaviors are second nature, and they continue to exhibit them even in their adulthood.

As they grow into young adults, our children have maintained their respectful behavior thanks to the early education and modeling we provided. They are well-known and liked in their workplaces and within the churches they attend, a testament to the success of our parenting techniques.

Through these experiences, we've learned that patience, flexibility, and creative strategies are key to teaching children about respect and manners. It's an ongoing and rewarding journey for both the parent and the child.