Supporting an Adult with Asperger's: Overcoming Blame and Rumination

Supporting a loved one with Asperger's Syndrome can be a challenging journey, filled with patience, understanding, and a commitment to providing the best care possible. When your adult child with Asperger's perpetually blames their anxiety, depression, and poor socializing on you, it can be dispiriting. Encouraging open communication, validating their feelings, and offering coping strategies and therapy are vital steps in helping them navigate this cycle of rumination and blame.

Understanding the Unique Challenges of Asperger's

Asperger's Syndrome, often part of the autism spectrum, presents a unique set of challenges. Many individuals with this condition struggle with anxiety, depression, and difficulty in social interactions. Encouraging them to understand and embrace the fact that these struggles may be related to their Asperger's can be a significant step toward personal growth and improvement.

Encouraging Self-Reflection and Responsibility

In my experience, I had the opposite problem—my mother helped me immensely by allowing me to face the harsh realities of self-reliance. She insisted I make my own mistakes and learn to solve them. While she might have been seen as a 'narc,' her methods were crucial in helping me develop independence and resilience.

Consider asking your child where they envision themselves in 5, 10, and 15 years. Make the conversation blunt: 'Oh, but by then I won't be here. What will you do then?' This can help them confront the reality of independence and responsibility.

Encourage your loved one to live alone or at least in a space separate from you. This will help them learn to rely on themselves. For example, set an apartment in another city, where they can experience daily challenges like washing clothes and fixing their own sink without your help.

Providing Support While Encouraging Independence

It's vital to strike a balance between providing support and encouraging independence. While immediate assistance is necessary, teach your child to view their failures as opportunities for growth, not as a personal failure. Validate their feelings but remind them that making comes with breaking. Cultivate a mindset that sees failure as part of the journey, not a final destination.

When they ask for pointers or feedback, commend their efforts but do not take on their responsibilities. For instance, if they struggle to organize their clothes, let them manage the issue on their own. It may seem haphazard, but it's their achievement.

Offering Realistic Examples and Encouraging Independence

Use examples of people in their area who have overcome similar challenges and succeeded. This can provide a beacon of hope and a practical roadmap. On the other hand, avoid the temptation to agree to their setting up a life in a city where they can rely on a relative. Dependence can hinder their growth and independence.

Finding Middle Ground Through Social Integration

Encouraging them to explain their unique mind wiring to others will help them adapt and thrive in social situations. In IT and science, many Aspies excel due to their dedication and attention to detail. However, exploring other areas of interest can also be beneficial. Encourage them to find a middle ground through various social and professional interactions.

Strategies for Managing Anxiety and Depression

To manage anxiety and depression, consider introducing them to soothing activities like volunteering at a guinea pig refuge. Guinea pigs are known for their calming effect and can help reduce stress levels. However, always ensure that their interests align with these activities to make them more effective and sustainable.

Finally, encourage them to seek professional guidance and therapy. Many adults with Asperger's benefit from these resources, as they can provide valuable tools and strategies to cope with their symptoms and improve their quality of life.

By supporting your loved one in this way, you can help them break free from the cycle of rumination and blame, and work towards a happier, more fulfilling life. Remember, every step forward is a victory, and you are an integral part of their journey towards independence and self-empowerment.