Navigating the Pronoun Conundrum: Why People Refuse to Use Singular 'They'

The debate over gendered pronouns often brings up the common question, 'Why aren't people who don't want to use gendered pronouns choosing singular 'they' instead?' Let's break down the reasons behind this choice and why 'they/them' is a preferred option.

Grammar and Pronoun Types

The main argument against using singular 'they' often stems from a misunderstanding of pronoun usage. 'We' and 'us' are first-person pronouns, not third-person pronouns. In many contexts, using 'they' as a singular pronoun is more appropriate and aligns with modern English grammar rules.

Anthropological and linguistic studies show that 'they' has been used as a singular pronoun in English since the 18th century. Its usage has become more prominent in recent years, though it has a long history. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the singular 'they' has been in use since at least 1375.

Why Use Singular 'They'?

Taking a step-by-step approach, the use of 'they' as a singular pronoun is inclusive and promotes inclusivity. The APA Style Panel recommends the use of the singular 'they' when referring to a singular person whose gender is unknown or non-binary. This practice avoids assumptions and creates a more welcoming environment for all individuals.

How can this be exemplified in real-world scenarios? Consider a situation where someone arrives at a party in disguise. Their identity is unknown, and addressing them with 'they/them' instead of attempting to guess their gender is both tactful and pragmatic. For instance:

A disguised person came up to me on Halloween night. They tried to steal a kiss. I donu2019t know what their name is. I wish someone would tell them to stop doing this or at least introduce themselves.

In this situation, using 'they/them' acknowledges the person's current presentation without making assumptions about their gender. This approach is both respectful and natural in context where gender is unknown.

Why Not Use 'They/Them'?

There are several reasons why people might not want to use singular 'they,' even when it is appropriate. Misgendering is a significant issue, and intentionally misusing someone's preferred pronouns can be disrespectful and harmful.

Another complication arises from the actions of transphobic individuals. These individuals often refuse to use a person's chosen pronouns and may even insist that 'they/them' cannot be used as a singular pronoun at all. Their refusal to use the correct pronouns is rooted in malice rather than a genuine concern for inclusivity.

A Call for Inclusivity

It's important to recognize the widespread and longstanding use of 'they/them/their' pronouns. This recognition allows for a more flexible and accommodating approach to gender identity. While some may resist, the adoption of 'they/them' can greatly benefit everyone by fostering a more inclusive and understanding society.

Ultimately, our focus should be on understanding and respecting individual pronoun preferences. When we use 'they/them,' we acknowledge the diversity of gender identities and contribute to a more accepting world. Let's continue the conversation and spread awareness about the benefits of inclusive language.