Navigating Relationships as an Autistic Person: Insights and Advice

Are there autistic people who have boyfriends / girlfriends? Are you one of them? If you are an autistic individual and you have never had a significant relationship, you might be wondering if dating is for you.

Setting Realistic Expectations for Relationships

The first and most important question you should ask yourself before embarking on a romantic journey is: Why do you want a relationship? Do you feel pressured by societal norms, or is it because you genuinely desire companionship? Take some time to list out your expectations of a potential partner, as well as what you are willing to offer in return. Seeing these expectations in black and white might reveal that what you are truly seeking doesn’t actually exist.

Personal Stories and Challenges

I, myself, have navigated the complexities of relationships with two long-term girlfriends. Sadly, they both hurt me deeply, even when their intentions were not harmful. The first was a reckless individual who forced me into fatherhood without being ready, and our son eventually revealed to be autistic as well. This has been a challenging journey for both of us. My second girlfriend abruptly ended our relationship, leaving me to grieve and heal.

Autistic individuals often face heightened sensitivities, which can make relationships both rewarding and challenging. Although I am now 65 years old, my hope for romantic connections remains. I found my first girlfriend by placing an ad and my second one through a dating website. These experiences have taught me the importance of being open and vulnerable.

Overcoming Shyness and Building Confidence

My initial struggles were characterized by shyness and a fear of rejection. However, I realized that the self-deceptive beliefs I held to protect my ego were fraudulent. I used to tell myself that women fall for jerks, but then I realized that my lack of action was part of the problem. Once I became more involved in my research and hobbies, I gained the confidence to ask women out. While some offers were declined, I accepted these rejections gracefully, which eventually positioned me as a man working on himself.

Then, my future spouse and I met through carpooling to a trail maintenance project. This experience taught me that vulnerability and putting myself out there are key. It is essential to understand that when someone declines your offer, it is often their personal preference, not a reflection of you.

Advice for Autistic Individuals

If you are an autistic person looking for a relationship, here are a few pieces of advice:

Be Vulnerable: Opening up to a potential partner is a crucial step. Understand that vulnerability is not a weakness, but a gateway to meaningful connections. Be Gracious with Rejection: Learn to differentiate between rejection and personal preference. Sometimes, the best move is to leave things be. Work on Yourself: Engage in activities that boost your confidence and provide you with a sense of accomplishment, which can improve your social interactions. Be Persistent: Don’t give up hope. Connecting with the right person is a journey, and it often takes time.

Remember, every relationship involves give and take. Be honest about your needs and be prepared to meet someone who complements you in the right ways.

Conclusion

Whether you are an autistic individual or simply seeking guidance on navigating relationships, remember that it is okay to be open and diligent in your search. With patience, self-awareness, and a willingness to put yourself out there, you can find the companionship you desire.