Navigating Friendships: When a Friend Prioritizes an Ex Over Group Plans

It's completely understandable to feel annoyed when a friend consistently cancels plans with your group, especially if it seems to prioritize her ex over your friendship. Here are a few points to consider:

Feelings are Valid

Your feelings of frustration are valid. Friendships thrive on mutual respect and commitment, and it can be hurtful when someone frequently chooses other relationships over group activities. Ensure that your emotions are acknowledged and validated within your social circle.

Communication

Expressing your feelings to your friend in a non-confrontational way can help. Let her know how her actions affect the group and that you value her presence. Open communication is key to resolving these issues and maintaining healthy friendships.

Understanding Her Perspective

Consider that she might be navigating her own emotions regarding her ex. Sometimes people need time to process their feelings, which can lead to prioritizing certain relationships over others. Try to understand her perspective and be patient as she works through her emotions.

Setting Boundaries

If this behavior continues and starts affecting your friendship, discussing boundaries or expectations within your group might be necessary. Clearly define what each person in the group expects from one another to ensure everyone feels valued and respected.

Group Dynamics

Discuss the issue collectively if the rest of your group feels similarly. Ensure that everyone feels heard and that the conversation is handled in a respectful and constructive manner. This approach can help resolve conflicts and maintain a positive group dynamic.

Strategies for Resolving an Offend Friendship

Here’s the strategy I use: Get Another Friend.
Keep people in your life that want to be in your life and let the rest go. Trying to maintain a relationship with someone who doesn’t regard you as important is exhausting and can have you questioning your own self-worth. I’m not speaking from a high horse; I’ve been on both sides of this equation.

Your friend will notice that they are not being included anymore and will either ask what's up or will move on themselves. Or they won’t notice at all and that’s not the kind of person you need in your life.

Should You Be Annoyed?

Can it be expected yes. Is it okay? In my opinion, not really. My reasoning is that anything that doesn't work towards goodness in the long run is not necessary or good. That is to say, think positive solutions to the problem and drop the negatives and their burning urge.
Have you tried telling her how you feel? Start with that and see how she reacts. She is still a friend, not a stranger. Treat her like a friend so that at the minimum, you are absolved of any faults on your conscience should your friendship take an ugly turn. Otherwise, it is not wise to just complain about it, especially given that she is your friend.
If what you want is your friend to stop making last-minute escapades and to start showing up, then tell her exactly that. Gently!
She is running off last minute to see her ex. Means she probably doesn’t plan it. There could be more to the story. She could be hurting. She could also be skipping your meetups on purpose for some other reason. Maybe she doesn’t quite see the value in the group yet. Point is, don't be presumptuous, especially when dealing with friends.
Work everything out with friendliness and humility, devoid of anger. If your group all feel like she could be heading down the wrong path and are genuinely concerned, switch from complain to help mode. This way, you are of much more use and help as opposed to languishing in anger, bitterness, betrayal, love, and loss, and all that. Otherwise, if all fails, just let her be instead of getting worked up.