Navigating Friendship Troubles: What to Do When a Friend Nearly Always Cancels Plans

Approaching a friend who frequently cancels plans can be a delicate situation. However, open and honest communication is the key to resolving the issue and improving your friendship. This article provides a step-by-step guide on how to address the matter effectively.

1. Choose the Right Time

Find a moment when you can speak privately and calmly, away from any immediate stress or distractions. Timing is crucial in ensuring that your friend feels comfortable discussing the matter.

2. Express Your Feelings

Begin the conversation by sharing how you feel when plans are canceled. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, “I feel disappointed when our plans don’t happen.” This approach helps to convey your emotions without placing blame.

3. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Inquire about their perspective to gain insights into why they might be canceling plans. Questions like, “Is there something going on that makes it hard for you to stick to plans?” can help you understand their situation better.

4. Listen Actively

Give them space to explain their situation. Active listening is essential to ensure that you are truly understanding their reasons. You might not be aware of all the challenges they are facing.

5. Discuss Expectations

Talk about what you both want from your friendship regarding plans. This can help set clearer expectations moving forward. Setting mutual goals is key to a healthy friendship.

6. Suggest Alternatives

If they often cancel, consider proposing more flexible plans like spontaneous meet-ups or virtual hangouts. These types of plans might be easier for them to commit to, and it can still allow for the flexibility they might need.

7. Be Understanding

If they have legitimate reasons for their cancellations, show empathy. It’s important to maintain the friendship while addressing the issue constructively.

8. Set Boundaries

If the cancellations continue and it affects you negatively, it’s okay to set boundaries or limit your availability for future plans. Clear boundaries can help protect your mental and emotional well-being.

When All Else Fails:

If you've attempted these steps and your friend continues to cancel plans frequently, it may be time to consider alternative actions. Here are some options:

Tell them bluntly that you haven’t had luck with following through with plans and suggest that they make plans and you'll follow through. For example, “I’ve had no luck so far with you following through with me. Let’s do this. You make the plans, and I will follow through. LOL.” Find someone new or different to do those things with. Remember, all psychopathology is about control. Exercise your control and choose who you spend your time with. Consider telling them what their behavior is like in a non-confrontational way: “It feels inconsiderate when you make plans and cancel last minute every time, as I’ve taken time off work to make plans with you. If you know you will cancel, please don’t make plans with me.” Stop agreeing to go out with them and maybe share why if you feel up to it. For example, “I will think about plans that you make and will respond based on my availability.” Give them an ultimatum: “If you know you will cancel on me again, then don’t make plans with me.” If all else fails, ditch them like you would how they ditch their friends. Feel free to be a better person than they are by treating others with respect and dignity. Lastly, don’t have friends like this. This kind of behavior is very immature and can significantly impact your emotional well-being.

Approaching and resolving these issues requires patience and understanding. By following these steps and considering the alternatives, you can navigate these challenges and work towards a healthier, stronger friendship.