Navigating Friendship Loss: How to Approach a Former Colleague After an Unfriend Event

When faced with an unexpected unfriend event, especially from a former colleague like an old supervisor, it’s important to approach the situation with sensitivity and open-mindedness. Understanding the complexities of workplace dynamics and personal changes can help you navigate the situation effectively.

Understanding the Situation

When someone you had a personal or professional relationship with unfriends you, it can be disconcerting. This recent unfriending experience with Sheri, your old supervisor who is known to you for six years and with whom you had a tumultuous yet still palpable connection, adds an extra layer of complexity. You're left wondering why they unfriended you, especially after such a long-standing relationship.

Additionally, the recent drama of losing your boyfriend and undergoing significant personal and professional changes might be contributing factors. Your withdrawal from online interaction, especially following the bike accident and rehabilitation, makes the sudden unfriend even more puzzling.

Choosing the Right Approach

Here’s a suggested way to approach the conversation with your former supervisor:

Choose the Right Medium: Reach out through a private message rather than a public comment. This shows respect for privacy and sensitivity towards their current state.Be Direct but Polite: Start your communication with a friendly greeting and express your observation. For example: "Hi Sheri, I hope you're doing well! I noticed we're no longer connected on Facebook and I wanted to reach out privately. If you're okay sharing, I'd love to understand what led to that decision. I value our friendship and want to ensure I respect your feelings."Use “I” Statements: This helps to avoid sounding accusatory. For instance, say, "I noticed we're no longer connected on Facebook and I wanted to check in."Invite an Open Conversation: Provide a space for them to share. You could say: "If you're comfortable, I'd love to understand what led to that. I really value our friendship and want to ensure I respect your feelings."

Be Prepared for Any Response

Remember, they may not want to discuss it, or they might have a valid reason for unfriending you. Be ready to listen without judgment. If they prefer not to discuss it, respect their boundaries and move on.

Reflection and Self-Reflection

It’s natural to feel hurt and confused when someone unfriends you, especially after such a long-standing relationship. Reflect on what might have triggered this action:

Consider if there are any signs of changing workplace dynamics or personal events that could have influenced their about how your recent personal changes might impact their perception or interaction with you.

Importantly, consider your own behavior. Are there any unspoken communication gaps or unresolved issues from the past that might have contributed to the tension?

Final Thoughts: Processing and Moving On

While the unfriending might be distressing, it's important to process your emotions and move forward. Here are a few tips:

Express Your Concerns: Reach out with sensitivity and discuss your feelings. Use the message example provided above.Respect Boundaries: If the other person prefers not to discuss it, respect their space and boundaries.Focus on Self-Care: Continue your rehabilitation and take steps to support your emotional well-being.

Remember, relationships can evolve over time, and sometimes changes are beyond our control. Your openness and sensitivity in handling this situation can help in navigating these complexities.