How to Spot a Cheating and Bullying Narcissist: Red Flags and Signs

1. Ghosting and Online Behaviors

One of the earliest signs of a cheating and bullying narcissist might be observed on a dating website. While they may claim their online activity is 'just for fun,' digging deeper into their history on these sites can reveal a pattern of behavior that doesn't align with their claims. If you catch them on a dating website and log on screen history, you may find surprising patterns of activity that suggest a hidden agenda. This could be a clear indicator that their relationships are not what they appear to be.

2. Emotional Manipulation Through Bullying

Bullying in the context of a relationship can take many forms. For me, it became clear that my marriage was constantly threatened due to overreactions and extreme emotional responses to trivial issues. I would find myself apologizing for these 'silly' concerns, only to be met with lectures and punishments. The message was always the same: ‘Just listen’ if you want me to talk to you again.

Looking back, I realize that I was more conditioned than I wanted to accept, and this manipulation served a deeper purpose. Understanding this conditioned response was crucial in recognizing the extent of the manipulation and abuse I was experiencing.

3. Clues to Narcissistic Cheating

Signs of a narcissistic cheater are similar to those of a general cheater, but they often exhibit a unique behavior: ghosting. Ghosting, which involves abruptly ceasing all communication without explanation, is a hallmark of a cheating narcissist. Additionally, bullying behaviors are present in varying degrees across different classifications of narcissism. Here are some examples of these behaviors:

Defiant Physical Posturing: An example of this is your partner exhibiting aggressive or defiant behaviors without causing significant harm. Financial Infidelity: One partner lies about their financial status or spends money in ways that benefit themselves over the relationship. Retaliatory Physical Harm: This is an extreme form of harassment that can endanger the partner. Legal Threats: Using legal means to intimidate the partner or exert control over them. Threats of Physical Harm or Embarrassment: Making threats that are both emotional and physical. Boundary Violations: Ignoring or crossing personal boundaries without consideration for the other person. Threats of Murder: Making intimidating comments or suggesting extreme violence. Controlling Behavior: Exerting control over the partner's life and actions, with no tangible gain. Sudden Violations of Privacy: Intruding into the partner's personal space and privacy in a non-threatening manner. Physical Striking: Deliberately striking the partner in locations that are relatively harmless but would cause pain if force were increased. Stalking: Following or keeping an eye on the partner in a manner that is not okay but not overly harmful. Repositioning Cars: Moving a partner's car to an inconvenient spot, making it harder for them to leave or go to work. Sharing Threats: Warning others about your partner's capability to cause significant harm, often to embarrass them. Leaving Items in Harmful Locations: For example, leaving a kitchen knife in a location where it could be used to harm oneself or the partner. Forceful Speech: Using loud and aggressive language that disregards the potential personal risk. Hiding Property: Keeping personal belongings inaccessible or hidden from the partner. Hazardous Driving: Driving recklessly, especially if the partner is a passenger. Opening Private Mail: Accessing and tampering with the partner's private correspondence. Rearranging Furniture: Moving items without permission, which can feel like an invasion of privacy.

4. Recognizing Narcissistic Behavior in Experiences

In my own experience, my ex became very transparent about his behavior over time. Once he started accusing me of cheating, it became increasingly easy to see through his excuses. For instance, if he accused me of misusing money and asked where I spent it, I knew he had been to a casino and there was no more rent money left. If he wanted to go out, he would start a fight about a trivial issue and then storm out, making a mountain out of a molehill.