Dating Etiquette: The Timing of Your First Text After a Date

In the age of constant digital communication, the timing and nature of your first text after a date can make a significant impact on your relationship with the person you've just met. How long should you wait to text? And what should you say? Let's explore the dos and don'ts of text messaging after a first date.

Why Wait?

While the urge to share your thoughts and feelings can be overwhelming, especially after a great first date, it's important to respect the boundaries and comfort levels of your date. Remember, the unexpected can communicate a lot more than a text can. For example, after using the men's room on a date, a man might share, 'I'm gonna be a while because I'm pleasuring myself in a stall over how lucky I am to be with you.' Nevertheless, honesty is key to building trust, but timing is crucial to avoid overwhelming the other person.

Texting Within an Hour: When It Goes Well

If the date goes well, it's perfectly acceptable to send a text within an hour of the date ending. For instance, you might say, 'Let me know when you’re home safe!' and follow up with a more personal message, such as, 'Thank you for your time. I enjoyed myself and would love to hang out again.' If the date was exceptionally good, you could even ask for the next date before your first date ends, demonstrating your interest without coming across as pushy.

The Personal Call Option

Some people prefer the intimacy of a phone call over a text. Personally, I find that a phone call is more personal and intimate than a text. After a first date, I would make a personal phone call instead of just sending a text. A phone call can help you communicate in a more nuanced way, ensuring that your message is received just as you intended.

Texting After a Good Date

For a good date, a text along these lines can be appropriate:

'Let me know when you’re home safe!
Thank you for your time.
I enjoyed myself and would love to hang out again.'

Note that these are general guidelines, and the appropriateness of a text will depend on the personalities of you and your date.

When Not to Text

It's generally a good idea to avoid texting immediately after a date, unless the date goes exceptionally well. If the date didn't go well, it's important to be upfront about it. End the date on a positive note by telling the person that you enjoyed your time together and wish you could hang out again another time. However, it's best to avoid any misunderstandings by clarifying your intentions.

In any case, if the person is not playing games (i.e., they seem genuinely interested in proceeding with the relationship), you should feel free to text them whenever. But if there's any ambiguity or if the person is avoiding you, it's best to respect their space and give them some time to consider their feelings.

Additional Tips

Another option is to text them towards the end of the first date. If you've met in person, you could text them about 30 minutes after you get home, telling them you just got home and wanted to check if they made it home safe. This shows that you care and are thinking about their well-being, which can be a positive trait in a potential partner.

Remember, the goal of any post-date communication should be to show that you're interested and respectful. Don't overload them with affection or make them feel uncomfortable. The key is to find a balance between enthusiasm and discretion.

Ultimately, dating is about getting to know someone better and establishing a comfortable rhythm for communication. Texts, phone calls, and in-person meetings can all play a role in this process, but the most important thing is to be thoughtful and considerate of your date's feelings and boundaries.