Can BPD Make a Person Seem Unapproachable?

Yes, individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can display patterns of both attracting and pushing people away, creating interpersonal dynamics that may make them seem unapproachable.

The Short Answer

Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. The answer to this question is subjective and more related to the preferences, fears, goals, and emotional state of the person considering approaching someone with BPD, rather than the individual with BPD themselves.

Key Factors to Consider

Variety of Personal Experiences: Every person with BPD is different, as are those who may consider approaching them. The relationship or lack thereof will be influenced by the interaction of both people's qualities and their environment. Relationship Dynamics: The status or roles in a situation can significantly affect how approachable someone with BPD appears. Potential Misdiagnosis: Not everyone with the term "Borderline Personality Disorder" actually has BPD; other conditions like Schizoid Personality Disorder can share similar behaviors.

Personal Experience and Common Scenarios

Based on my personal experience, I consider myself comfortable and open with various types of people. When hesitation to approach someone arises due to perceived "stay away" energy, the scenario often falls into one of the following categories:

Hostility: The person may be extremely angry, emitting a hostile vibe that makes me hesitate or feel cautious. Schizoid Personality Disorder: Here, the person may not be hostile but afraid of intrusion, which further deters approachability. Likeness: The other person simply does not like me or does not want my company. Focused Attention: The individual is preoccupied with something and would prefer not to be interrupted.

Varied Interpersonal Dynamics

It is important to note that many people with BPD are actually open, warm, and welcoming, forming quick connections. However, there are also subgroups of individuals with BPD who exhibit more negative traits, feeling unwelcome, wary of potential rejection, or struggling with anger that hinders their ability to connect with others.

When considering approaching someone suspected to have BPD, it is also wise to evaluate whether your perception of the condition is accurate. For instance, individuals with Schizoid Personality Disorder are more likely to be less welcoming and more sensitive to how approached, compared to those with BPD.

Conclusion

The approachability of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder is influenced by a multitude of factors, including your personality, the situation, relative status, and the emotions evoked. It is also crucial to consider the possibility of misdiagnosis, as different personality disorders can exhibit similar behavior.

Reference:

Elinor Greenberg PhD, CGP, Borderline Narcissistic and Schizoid Adaptations - Private practice and author of the book.