Building Self-Confidence and Making New Friends in High School

It's not uncommon for many of us to grow up in families where appropriate social skills were not modeled, and where opportunities to observe and interact with others were limited. If we faced neglect or abuse, these challenges can be even more impactful. As a result, we may struggle to navigate social situations, leading us to stay within our comfort zones and not reach out to others. However, just like any other skill, social skills are learnable and require practice.

Researching Social Skills and Communication

Whether you're in high school or beyond, it's never too late to work on your social and communicative skills. Start by researching everything you can about social skills and communication. Look for techniques that align with your personality and style. Being a good listener can already gather many friends. However, if you feel like you are acting weird, it might be a good time to actively work on your social skills. This advice could be particularly relevant for someone in high school, but it can apply to anyone at any age.

Utilizing Libraries and Online Resources

Luckily, we have access to a wealth of resources, both online and offline. The internet is a great starting point, but don’t overlook your local public library. Libraries are fantastic for research, with well-organized collections. Librarians can be invaluable in guiding you to relevant resources. Start by looking for books on making friends and building social skills. A classic like Dale Carnegie's “How To Win Friends and Influence People” is an excellent starting point. Don't limit yourself to just one book. Look for other books on similar topics, and explore the surrounding shelves for more insights. You can also delve into online resources, such as vlogs and blogs, to find more tips and techniques.

Improving Self-Esteem and Resilience

Often, the “weirdness” you feel might just be a sign that you are out of your comfort zone. It's natural to feel awkward when stepping out of your routine, but it's essential to practice talking to people. Sometimes, this “weirdness” could be indicative of underlying insecurities or issues that need addressing. For instance, those with ADHD or autism might have a different way of communicating or processing information during conversations. It's important to find workarounds that suit your needs.

Self-Reflection and Improvement

Take some time to reflect on any habits or mannerisms that you'd prefer to change. Try recording yourself and listening to your speech patterns. Don't worry about the sound of your voice; almost no one likes the sound of their own voice at first. Instead, focus on repetitive phrases or mannerisms you'd like to smooth out. Actors, announcers, and public speakers use voice training and speech coaches to develop confident ways of talking, which often involve more than just voice changes. The idea is to find things you'd like to improve and that you can realistically work on.

Participating in Activities and Volunteering

The best way to find friends is by getting involved in activities you genuinely enjoy. Enthusiastic and genuine people tend to attract friends who share similar interests. Experiment with different groups, classes, and activities either within or outside of school. Stick with the ones you truly enjoy. Whether it's writing club, ski lessons, swimming, philosophy debates, crochet, pottery, singing, aerobics, scrapbooking, skateboarding, computer programming, soccer, or camping, you'll meet other people who enjoy them too and will have something to talk about.

Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone

Volunteering is another great way to meet like-minded people while engaging in a cause you care about. Community cleanups, environmental groups, animal shelters, senior centers, food banks, and children's hospitals all need volunteers. The people you meet there will share your sense of community and helping others.

Along with participating in activities and volunteering, step out of your comfort zone. When other students are conversing at school, don’t expect them to include you. Join in by starting with small, open-ended questions or encouraging them to give more details. People appreciate attentive listeners, so ask about classes or homework assignments and join study groups. Implement the communication techniques you’ve learned and keep practicing. Building self-confidence is a gradual process, so be patient with yourself and keep learning.

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, the goal is to build self-confidence through small self-improvements and to find friends who accept you for who you are. Real friends will overlook your habits of speech, and the more you participate, the more you'll develop the social skills and confidence needed to form meaningful relationships.